People often try to change other people in the hopes of making them better. Sadly, one cannot change someone who is not willing. So, no matter how good your intentions are, you still cannot change someone who does not want to change on his own. You cannot make a difficult person not act mean anymore unless that person is willing to do so.
A lot of people have this notion that they cannot change. They believe that it is who they are. However, this is not true because people can change. You may be a creature of habit, but your personality is not in your DNA. You can change the way you speak and act, but it will take time and effort.
Why it is difficult for people to change? Well, people tend to have a hard time changing themselves even if they genuinely want to do so because of the patterns and habits that they have been used to. When you have been doing something for so many years or ever since you can remember, It will be really hard to get out of that patters.
For instance, you can tell someone that he is fat and that he should no longer eat fast food. However, telling that person does not guarantee that he will no longer eat fast food. People do not behave badly because they are lacking information regarding their shortcomings.
People behave badly because they have fallen into destructive behavioral patterns from which they are not able to escape. The behavior of humans calls for constant prodding and not blunt hectoring. So, if you want to get a person out of a negative cascade, you should not attack his bad behaver.
Instead, you should go on the offense and focus on alternative good behaviors. Some researchers even suggest that you obliquely tackle negative behavior by redirecting your attention towards positive ones. It is also best to focus on one area at a time rather than change everything all at once.
If you really want to help a person change his ways, you should make him aware of his behavior. Awareness is the first process of change. Go ahead and confront the mean person. Be objective and let him know about his behavior. Tell that person how his attitude makes an impact on you and others, but do not be pushy.
If this person realizes what he is doing, then he would be inclined to change. On the other hand, if he still thinks that he is not doing anything wrong, then that is no longer your problem. You can encourage people to change for the better, but you cannot make them change. It is up to them if they will change or not.
You cannot have control over other people’s behavior. Yes, you can try to help and encourage them to change. However, no matter what you do or how hard you try, the ultimate decision is still theirs. Even if your intentions are good and actual, you will still not be able to change a person who is not completely willing to change.